Health questions:I broke a contract with my therapist, now he's practically pushing me out the door, and I can NOT handle it...

I had to sign contracts after my last "OD suicide attempt" which left me in CCU for a while and hospitalized even longer, they were pretty fair all though, one was cutting, I did that on a daily basis, and lots of them--I had to stop, others were OTC meds, drinking, and other physical self abuse issues.. I did pretty good in complying with them until I had major surgery, no therapist (holidays) and our back up plan failed as well. Now, I had about 10 cuts up my arm covered (large band-aid thingy), and wore a long sleeve shirt, which is normal for me anyways, and at my appointment yesterday, he asked to see my wrists so I showed him and he lifted my sleeve to expose the covered area and wanted to see it and I refused, now my *** is pretty much out the door unless I have 75% eye contact at all times which is impossible for me to do, and he knows that. My thoughts are to rid myself now and stop dealing with all this crap before he closes my file. Yes, I'm thinking suicidal thoughts....

First off, please clear your mind of these thoughts--and try to approach this in the most logical way you can. Explain your situation with your therapist.....he should understand if you back up your claim with evidence.

Is there another therapist you could see in your area?

EDIT: You should have other alternatives for your situation...Chantale.....I will pray for you.....

You know the truth & I believe it. But it may be due to your mood at that time that made you to think bad about your treating Doctor. No doctor can help unless you have trust in him. Your present doctor must be knowing about you more than the new doctor that you are thinking to consult. For the new doctor you will become new patient and he will again start aSking and interviewing you as a new client. My sincere advise is to again consult your Doctor [psychiatrist], tell him what you think about him, I am sure he will be helpful to you. I am more concerned about your suicidal ideas and several attempts. I am also surprised about the behavior of your doctor to get you out ? It might be due to some swinging behavior from your side not cooperating him [ lack of trust from you ] or he might be annoyed of your childish like / immatured behavior, so he might have behaved like a teacher to make you cooperative. You need immediate hospitalization which will help you to come out of your suicidal behavior. 1st you come out of this self distructive ideas then again come with your problems to talk your contacts here in Answer

He thinks you are capable of something and you should thank him for that. He believes in you, and the contracts are a measure of that. 75% eye contact is impossible for you and you're thinking about killing yourself because your therapist wants you to do some work? You need to be in a hospital for immediate inpatient treatment. Then, when you get out, hope you can get another counselor as good as he was.

Your therapist will not push you out if you confide in him/her

sounds to me that you're in this with your therapist half - a$$ed. he's giving you his 100% but YOU slip up after the holidays and blame HIM for your actions. he's pushing you because YOU broke the contract and NOT him.
so wake up, give him eye contact not 75% but 100% instead.

I didn't quite go the route you did with the cutting but after a failed marriage I was left hopeless and self esteem shot to hell.
The thing about successful therapy is you've got to meet them at least halfway if you want to fix yourself.
If your not willing to want better for yourself than who else will?

I know for a fact that therapy is a real investment. Your only going to get out of it what you put into it.
If you can't deal with the eye contact thing ( I have trouble with that myself) and the therapist refuses to listen to you then it's simply time to find a new therapist.
I've never heard that before but some therapists can be real ball busters too.

The responsibility though is yours and I'd hate to see you gone myself.
The problem that you leave behind is the scar everyone else has to carry with them everyday the rest of their lives.
I know because my sister did that at 14.

I slit my neck going for my jugulars. I really couldn't handle life or help. I'm sure glad I failed. My life is so much better now. I no longer take meds and I don't have evil thoughts of hurting myself or others. What I had to do is get honest with myself first. Then I was able to get honest with others for the help I needed. It took a lot of action on my part at first, but I now realize it was well worth it. People take their own lives everyday and don't even realize how they hurt the others they leave behind. Think of the good times ahead. Not the bad times in the past.

You need to be honest and straight with him. He is trying to help you. I don't think he's aSking too much. Let him know what's going on. Sounds like he already knows your background and is trying to get you to be honest and responsible.

Lisa

I'm not totally sure, but I think the problem isn't that you broke the contract. It's the fact that you tried to lie and hide it. Part of being in therapy is total honesty. You can't with hold from your doc and you can't lie to him. It seems that the eye contact thing has to do with being able to see if you are telling the truth or not. It's the best way to do so. The doc can't help you if you aren't being honest and he has to know you are being honest. You need to talk to your doctor. My best advice is to march your butt in there for your next appointment and fess up. Tell him that you screwed up by not being honest with him about your slip back into old habits and you really want to continue with your sessions. Tell him why you felt the need to hid it (probably because you knew it wasn't the right thing to do). Talk to him about what you felt during that time and how your back up plan failed. Ask him for help in creating a new back up plan. Continue to put forth your very best effort to follow the contract and be honest and sincere with him about any problems you are having. With the eye contact thing, do your best. If this doc has been treating you for a while, he will know if you are or are not trying. It's more about showing you are commited to the treatment. I hope all this helps.

You should show him your covered area, becuase he's your therapist, he needs to know so he can help you. Dont do suicide, its not worth it, if you are still living, why commit suicide? You should keep that 75% eye contact, if that will save your contract.

Wow, I have therapy as well, through the public health every Friday for one hour and I often mess up - more often then I do ok - hence needing therapy and my counsellor never gives me the feeling that he will give up on me. He is firm at times in his approach but he doesn't force me with stuff like the eye contact (which I never do).

Your counsellor sounds bloody mean. He has to expect you to mess up at times. If you were coping so well why the hell would you even need counselling in the first place.

Maybe you need to really tell him how you feel about the recent events and tell him your fears and concerns.

Your therapist is probably trying to make progress with you, and he wouldn't ask something of you he knew you couldn't do if he didn't think you could do it. Try really hard, because he's just trying to help you. If not, get a different one. But do NOT kill yourself, because what good are you if you're not alive!!! I wish you the best of luck!

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